The Present is a Gift You Give Yourself

Whenever you think of your life and your situation, do you always take full responsibility for it? When the economy is in a mess, as an example, isn’t it okay to blame external forces for our lack of joy or income?

There is no doubt that external forces have some influence on us. That being said, I think we must also admit that we often take the path of least resistance. Isn’t it easier to blame others (including the economy or some other external forces) than it is to take full responsibility for where we find ourselves? Surely if we are honest, the answer to that question must be, “Yes.”

What we believe (about ourselves, the economy, etc.) is more responsible for determining our future, and therefore our present, than all the external forces. When you find yourself unhappy and blame an external force, you are marginalizing your own power. That may be convenient and easy to do, but it doesn’t help your current situation and, in fact, will only prolong the situation you don’t want, will support and strengthen the disempowering belief, and will prevent you from having the life and joy you do want.

The best way to have the life you really want is to know that you deserve it, to believe you can achieve it, and to do all that you can, including believing in it and yourself, to make it come true. You may want to make a “Treasure Map” of all the things you want. Create a collage on poster board or simply keep a list of what you want your life to be like, including what you want to have (more than just material things). Imagine yourself living that life, and when something external happens, remember that you have the power to live the life you want regardless of external forces.

Eleanor Roosevelt said, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” Those dreams and your belief in them and yourself create your present. You can give yourself a wonderful present by dreaming and believing beautiful things. How cool is that?

A Lesson in Understanding

Have you ever been in a discussion with someone and they disagreed with your point of view or didn’t even understand how you could have the opinion that you held? Have you ever had someone angry with you and all they could say was that they didn’t understand how you could have said or done what you did? How did that make you feel?

To “understand,” according to the Oxford Dictionary, means to perceive the intended meaning, significance, explanation, or cause of something. When someone says they don’t understand something you’ve said (or done), do they simply mean they don’t perceive your intended meaning, or are they saying more than that? Might they mean that it doesn’t make sense, based on their model of the world, and that since they don’t understand you from your perspective, you are wrong and they are right? Might it mean, especially if they are angry, that they believe you must have intended something else, something that you did not intend, perhaps even something unkind or hurtful? When someone is angry with you because they don’t understand what you have said or done, the underlying cause is fear. They are afraid of something that is based on a belief (possibly, even likely one that is unconscious), about themselves or others and, therefore, about how they are going to be treated.

What I believe to be vital is to recognize that our beliefs can and often will actually have us believing things that are not true. In NLP (Neurolinguistic Programming), one of the presuppositions is, “The map is not the territory.” What that means is that our perceptions (the map) are not the reality. They feel like it and appear to be so, but they are based on many things that actually mask reality. My perceptions are based on my experiences, my beliefs, my filters, my model of the world, my state at the instant moment, and more. All of those are different than yours, and therefore my perception of the same event, phrase, discussion, article, color, and so on will be different than yours. That does not make mine any more right or wrong than yours, just different. Since our beliefs and where we direct our attention will create our reality, it is also likely that if we are concentrating on something, we will bring it into our being. For example, if I am looking for something to go wrong, for there to be something negative about another person, I will bring that into being. But, since “the map is not the territory,” I will only be perceiving it to be so.

Imagine that you have green-colored lenses on your glasses and your friend has rose-colored lenses. Are you going to see the same thing? Will you perceive a flower or the grass the same? No, and that is how we see the world: in our own way, from our own point of view, through our own filters, based on our own experiences and beliefs. What is important to remember is that we see things differently, and different is just that, different. If I don’t understand what you mean, it doesn’t mean you are wrong, it simply means that what you see or hear is different from what I see or hear. If we trust each other and ourselves, then there is no cause for anger, because we know that the other person only means well and isn’t out to hurt us.

Remember to not take anything personally. If you have read “The Four Agreements,” you recognize that. If you haven’t, remember to never take anything personally. A friend and teacher, Helene Rothschild, wrote, “The truth is that no matter what anyone else says or does, you are okay, worthy, loveable, attractive, intelligent, and good enough….” By allowing yourself to understand this truth and to see what is new, what is different, and what is possible, you open up to a whole new world.

“In dreams and in love there are no impossibilities.” ~ Janos Arnay

How cool is that?

The Wisdom of Your Dog

Have you ever wondered what you could learn from your dog? If you have a cat or other pet, have you ever thought about what they might teach you? I have wondered about that and have also wondered about what our children teach us. I know I have learned much from my children.

A couple things have piqued my interest about what we can learn from animals. One is that I have noticed Cesar Milan, the dog psychologist, works as much or more with the dogs’ owners as with the dogs. The other thing is my own seemingly natural “way” with animals. Most of us will agree that a dog can sense the true nature of a person (this is true of horses and dogs, especially). Most all animals, wild or domesticated, can sense whether or not a person is afraid or anxious or projecting negative energy in some way. So, what does this have to do with what you can learn from your dog? Think about how animals sense energy and intention, and think about what your dog does when you come home from a long day at work.

I recently met a very special dog, Angel. It was most important that Angel like me, which could have made me especially nervous. Even though I don’t have a pet, I love and respect animals. From the moment Angel and I said, “Hello,” we were friends, and during the next few days I spent with her, she touched me in many ways, reminding me that we can learn important lessons from dogs when we are open and pay attention.

Angel and me

One lesson that we can learn from dogs is to live in the moment, to be present in the “now.” Consider this by Alice Morse Earle, “Yesterday is history. Tomorrow is a mystery. Today is a gift. That is why it is called the present.” We humans tend to live either in the past or the future. We often relive the upsets of yesterday or are anxious about the unknowns of tomorrow. Neither of those strategies is effective for living your happiest life. When you come home after a long day at work, is your dog worried about your leaving again the next morning or angry that you were gone all day? No, and more importantly, your dog loves you no matter how long you were away. Yes, unconditional love is the most important lesson of all.

Might it be worthwhile, even joyful and empowering, to take a note from your dog and to realize that you can put a smile on your face, wag your tail, and be happy in the moment, this very moment? How cool is that?

Change is Natural

You need not be wrong or bad in order to make a change. When you first come from loving acceptance (of what is), then the positive changes you desire come more easily. Change, after all, is natural. I adapted the previous from something Louise Hay wrote, and I wanted to share this with you because, in my own experience, both professionally and personally, I realize the power of this concept.

Many people view change as difficult, and sometimes, even unnecessary. Have you heard the expression, “If it isn’t broken, don’t fix it?” That may not be exactly the way you heard it, but you get the meaning. Certainly we understand the notion that if something is working perfectly well, why change it. We can’t really fix something if it isn’t broken, right? My mother used to tell me to, “Leave well enough alone.” As a recovering perfectionist, I understand that, now. I also understand another perspective, one the Japanese call Kaizen. This philosophy is based on and also known as, “Continuous Improvement,” and W. Edwards Deming helped bring it to industry in Japan and later, around the world, by developing a system and processes based on statistical analysis.

Much of what causes people difficulty with change, is not only the belief, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it,” but also the belief that change is difficult and painful. Actually, the change we find most difficult or painful is change we are forced to make, not change we initiate. So how can we use this knowledge to support our own, Kaizen, our own continuous improvement? How might we view change positively so that we can continue to evolve and live the best life, the life we deserve?

As important as it is to review our past mistakes and to do better, what I have learned is that if we concentrate on our mistakes, we will tend to repeat them. We will remain in the negative state associated with our “failings.” When we continue to focus on what is wrong, we end up getting more of what we don’t want. So, a more productive process is to look at what you’ve done well, on what has worked, on what you want more of. When you concentrate on what you want, and look to make small, incremental changes that get you closer to where you want to be, then the change you make is easy as well as positive. And the best part is, you don’t even have to think of there being anything wrong with you to make those positive changes. You can simply decide to be even better, every day. How cool is that?

♥

Patience and Trust

Have you ever wanted something so much that you actually tried to hold onto it so tightly that you pushed it away? Have you ever wanted something so much that you wanted it, “Now” instead of allowing the natural flow of life to allow it to happen in perfect time? I know I have, and I have also been told that I was, “Too patient.” If they could only see me now (smile). Carl Jung said, “What you resist, persists.” I believe that the opposite is also true, “What you persist, resists.” We push away that which we hold too tightly. Siddhārtha said, “You only lose what you cling to.” Even modern day philosophers like the guys of 38 Special, Barnes, Carlisi, and Peterik wrote in their song, Hold on Loosely, “Hold On Loosely but don’t let go, If you cling too tight babe, you’re gonna loose control….”

The Universal Law of Attraction says, in part, that what we concentrate on is what we get more of. So how might that apply to the above question? How might holding on to something push it away? One reason we may hold on tightly is because we are afraid that if we don’t, “it” will go away. We don’t trust the flow of life enough to believe that without our control, things won’t turn out the way we want. So the fear, “If I don’t hold on, it will go away,” is attaching all the energy to the belief that, “…it will go away.” Since we get more of what we focus our attention (and energy) on, “it” will go away. It is one of the hardest lessons we learn.

Have you ever heard the expression, “If you love something, let it go?” It doesn’t really mean to “let it go” in the sense of actually letting it slip away, but rather to trust the outcome to such a degree that you need not control it. Let go of the need to control, of having all the answers to questions that may not have answers, yet, and when you let go and, “Let God,” the truth will become clear, the outcome will be perfect, that which you really want and that which is mean to be, will be. There is a natural flow of things and all that is, is perfect. We simply have to trust, to have faith.

This Universal Law of Attraction also applies to things we are afraid of, or things we don’t want. What happens when you hear, “Don’t think of a pink Cadillac.” You have to think of a pink Cadillac before you can “delete” it, so even though I said, “Don’t….” you must. Same goes for things we are afraid of. If I’m afraid that something bad will happen, I will create the situation to make that come true. It will likely have nothing to do with the person involved, but the situation will appear to be one in which they fulfill my fear, just because I created it. And, the reality is, that all this happens at an unconscious level (may also be karmic or at a spiritual, soul level), so if someone were to say that I was the one creating it, I might think they were crazy. I mean, really, why in the world would I create something like that? Right!

Nathaniel Hawthorne said, “Happiness is like a butterfly which, when pursued, is always beyond our grasp, but, if you will sit down quietly, may alight upon you.” At this moment, I sit quietly, I trust that the outcome, that all my dreams are coming true, are forming perfectly for the highest good of all, and that in my trust and faith in my belief that all will be perfect, all my energy is calm, and all will be perfect. I hold on loosely, but don’t let go. I will never let go. ♥

Blessing and Love!

A Lesson of Intention

Many lessons we learn are painful. Actually, most lessons are painful because we learn best from mistakes or painful events rather than from successes. I recently learned an important lesson, one I hope with all my heart will allow for healing and lessons all around.

Most of us, I think, have heard the expression, “It’s the thought that counts.” We may also think that our best intentions are important, that when we do something with good intentions, that makes it okay even if what we do doesn’t turn out the way we wished. I have come to realize the fallacy of that thought. Perhaps I knew it already, in my soul, but in my mind I tried to justify my action, my decision because of my “good intention.” I thought I was being protective when the result was anything but. I violated a trust.

Intention means little when the outcome is painful for others and yourself. Intention means little when you allow it to cause you to behave in a way that is not genuine, not of your own truth, outside of your own integrity. Intention means little when it doesn’t honor another’s path, another’s journey to find truth and healing, another’s trust. Intention means little….

I share this with you, realizing it is a bit cryptic, to encourage you to tune in to your deepest connection with truth and spirit and love. I want you to never make this mistake, this mistake that I have made. I want you to always be open, fully open and honest, even if you fear the truth may hurt. Trust the other person enough to know that he or she can handle the truth. Trust yourself to know that even if the other person gets upset hearing the truth, that you both will be able to deal with it, to get to the other side of it, and that your relationship, as a result, will become even stronger.

The greatest pain, for me, is to feel the hurt and pain of the other. I do believe, I must believe, that once past this and able to fully understand all that this is here to teach, everything will be even better than before, even stronger. That, I believe with all my heart. That, I must believe….

♥

Possibilities

For those of you who have been to or who are thinking of visiting my web site, you may notice some quotes on each of several pages. One of my favorites is by Emily Dickinson, in which she says, “Dwell in Possibility.” As simple as this is, it is a profound thought, one more powerful than she may have ever imagined. Another favorite quote is by Eleanor Roosevelt, who said, “The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams.” Both of these quotes cause us to think beyond our daily routine, beyond our lives as we see them, and that is powerful.

It is perfectly understandable that because our lives are so busy, so hectic, we have little time to dream. Actually, we have time, but most of us won’t take or make the time to dream. What if you took the time to dream, to dwell in what might be possible for you? What might you dream about, and what new possibilities could open up for you to accomplish?

When you were young, quite young, you may have had some dreams, and along the way, life happened. You may have shared your dreams with a family member or teacher or a good friend. It is possible that some of them may have been something less than enthusiastic and supportive. At some point, you may have begun to believe that maybe they were right and that you should be more realistic and practical and get on with your life, to do what normal people do. Perhaps you could no longer see yourself in that dream, and you may have forgotten it altogether.

That scenario has played out for many of us, and there is really nothing wrong with it. We have all done the best we could with what we had available to us (knowledge, wisdom, maturity) at the time. Those who were negative were so because at the time, that was all they knew. I know some parents may have seemed negative, not because they were really negative, but because they didn’t want their children to be disappointed upon a failure. Looking back, they may now have a different perspective.

The truth is that everything that exists today, even every convenience we take for granted and can’t imagine doing without, started as a dream, a glimmer, a mere possibility, often just a dream, a thought. So, what are you going to dream about? What might be possible for you if nothing else could get in the way? If you could imagine that everything you thought you had to do has been done, that now it is your time to create your life the way you want it, what might you dream? Dream big! When you shoot for the moon, even if you miss, you’ll be among the stars. How cool is that?

A Lesson Learned – More About Lessons

Each of us has a story to tell. Each of us has endured hardships, experienced wonderful moments, and has fallen down to then get up. It is the power of the human spirit, or is there more? I believe there is more, but for now I’d like to share some of what I’ve learned that may help you navigate your life with more joy.

I grew up in Denmark and The Netherlands, even though I was born in New York. I learned how to read and write English as a ten year old, and it wasn’t easy. During a good part of my childhood, I felt like an outsider because no matter where we lived (we had moved nine or ten times by the time I was 12), I was the new kid or the foreign kid. Suffice it to say, I always felt I was on the outside looking in.

Without going into detail about what happened during those years and later, what I have realized is that each and every experience I had, whether it was pleasant or seemingly devastating at the time, allowed me to grow into the person I am today. I am still growing, still learning, and I am quite happy with who I am. Most of us realize that we learn from the experiences of life, but do we use that knowledge? I believe the most powerful lesson of all is to believe, especially when in the midst of what seems like something devastating, that what we are experiencing is actually a blessing, a gift. If you believed that to be true, how might that change your life?

When we change the way we look at our world, then the way we experience our world changes. If everything that happened to you were, somehow, for your benefit, would you respond differently to any given situation? When we experience an unpleasant event, we might feel hurt or despair. We tend to not think about how wonderful we’ll feel and how much we will have learned once the event is over. If, on the other hand, we acknowledge the experience and our emotions and then focus on how much we will have learned, how much stronger we will be, and how much better our lives will be once we have moved past that event, then we can feel hopeful, perhaps even excited about what is to come.

Sometimes we are reminded and tested, and it may not be easy or comfortable. It may even be hard and evoke painful emotions. The blessing is, that when we are able to be true to who we really are and to get to the other side of it with our most loving intentions intact, we can be proud of lessons learned. What comes next is the realization that there is nothing we cannot manifest. Your wildest dreams are but a few winks away. How cool is that? <3

The best is yet to come!

Karl

More About Finding the Silver Lining – There Is a Lesson in Everything

As most of you know, I am a positive person, always looking for the good in others, and seeing the silver lining when others do not. It is with a humble heart that I write this, because I am having to look deep inside and answer, “Why react from fear when you know to respond from love?” I reacted to a series of misconceptions and misunderstandings from a place of fear, and the result is that someone I care deeply about was hurt. The most surprising thing about what happened is that it is so out of character for me to have reacted the way I did. Others with whom I have confided in about this have agreed how out of character this is for me. So what happened and why?

From a spiritual perspective, I believe that there are no accidents (see the previous post) and that everything happens for a reason that is for the good of all (for our soul growth). So I must believe that the outcome will be okay. But in the meanwhile, someone I care about is hurting. I am focused on answering the why, on helping us both understand this event so that we can move through it, getting to the other side of it, stronger. I am focused on the outcome rather than on the event, because staying focused on the event won’t help me grow, it will only hold me back. It will keep me “stuck in the muck” as I often say.

When we react to a situation, it is seldom the instant situation that we are really reacting to, it is what it reminds us of (an emotion, memory, belief) deeply rooted in our past. So I have been digging deep to find the answers in my childhood, where the scared child resides, the scared boy who felt abandoned and felt many emotions that created feelings and beliefs of “undeserving” and “unworthy.” It is there that I found the fear to which I reacted in such a hurtful way. And having faced it, having understood it, I have now healed it.

Now, there is another party to this event, the one I care for very deeply, the one who was hurt by my reaction. I am grateful for this dear friend who helped me access what needed to be cleared and to learn the lesson through this event. I am also very sorry for the pain. How do I make it right, and how do I help that person understand the lesson that was theirs to learn? Quite often (essentially always), when someone does something and we feel hurt by it, what is really going on is that there is a lesson for us to learn that is being brought to the surface. There is a saying that goes something like, “Anything that appears as other than love is there to be healed.” In other words, when something painful happens or when someone reacts in a hurtful way, it is happening so that it (the emotion, the belief, the triggering memory…) can be healed. I am not in a position to understand what needs to be healed in this dear friend, but I do believe that there is something. If there are no victims and there are no accidents, it seems to me that the only possibility is that there is a powerful lesson to be learned.

Neale Donald Walsch wrote a wonderful children’s book called “The Little Soul” in which two little souls who have been together many times are discussing their next lives on Earth. In talking about what lessons they want to learn, one little soul says she wants to learn Forgiveness, to which the other soul responds, “Really, that is such a painful lesson to learn, are you sure you want to learn Forgiveness?” “Yes,” the soul replies, “that is what I want to learn.” The other little soul reflects and very seriously says, “Well, if you really want to learn Forgiveness, I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll do something really mean and hurtful to you, and that way you will be able to learn forgiveness.” The first little soul says, “Really, you would do that, you love me so much that you would do that?” The other little soul replies, “Yes, I love you that much. The only thing I ask is that when I do that awful thing, please remember who I am.”

I do hope that when everything is said and done, this lesson will be the blessing it can be. Everything happens for a reason, and we can choose to have it be a meaningful, positive outcome or not. I find no use in having it be anything but positive. I have come too far and have dreams to make come true. And I do believe in dreams coming true!

A “Karl Day” and There Are No Accidents

As many of you know, each Wednesday is “Karl Day,” a day I take time for myself. I usually go to the chiropractor, exercise with my trainer (SuperSlow®), get a massage, and do other activities that nourish and strengthen my body, my soul, and my spirit. This past Wednesday, December 8, 2010, on my way to the chiropractor, I met a young woman on a country road, and though we didn’t know each other before this meeting, I do believe we were meant to meet on this day.

As I was heading north on Vestal Road, north of Township (300S), I noticed a van coming toward me, and it was moving into my lane. I flashed my lights but the van kept coming over. I thought for sure the driver must be texting but that he or she would notice my lights and move back. The van kept coming, and I noticed the driver looking down. I moved over, off the road as far as I could, but the road there is lined with telephone poles and there is a ditch and then a plowed field. The van kept coming toward me, and I had no where else to go. I saw the van hit me just in front of my door, heard the crash, saw my driver’s side mirror slam against the door, and my car was punted into a spin. Thanks to my time at Bob Bondurant’s driving school and many years of driving (as some of you know, I love to drive), I was able to get the car under control after a few maneuvers. I looked in my rear view mirror and saw the van come to a stop. I put my car in reverse and went as fast as I could, then pulled off the road to get out to talk with the driver. Having thought the driver was texting, I was certainly going to have a chat about that. I saw the young woman who had been driving the van approach, and she was crying, “I’m so sorry, are you okay…” I tried getting out of my car, but the door had been damaged so much that I couldn’t open the door. I crawled over the console and got out on the passenger side, walked around my car and said to the young woman, in not my softest voice, “Were you texting?”

She said she was so sorry, and said, “NO, I never do that” about my accusing question. I looked at her van and noticed her front left tire was flat and the wheel was a mess. There was also some damage to the left front fender. She said her tire blew, and she was doing everything she could to get back in her lane, but that she just couldn’t get it to move. She said she was looking down because she thought there might be something wrong with the steering wheel. She said again, how sorry she was. I asked her if she was okay, and she said yes, though I could tell she was shaken. I then turned to look at my car….

To make a long story short, the woman and I are both fine, though both vehicles had to be towed away. It was a very cold morning to have an accident, to miss the appointments I look forward to (and my body appreciates), and to have my car wrecked. I also believe that I was meant to be there at that time, perhaps so that the young woman could hold her 2 year old son with her loving embrace (thankfully, he was not with her at the time of the accident). She told me that had I not been there at that time, she would surely have either hit a telephone pole or gone into the field and flipped. By her hitting my car, she was bumped back into her lane, giving her time to stop on the dry pavement. Off of the road’s surface was snow covered. I do believe there are no accidents, that everything happens for a reason, and though we may never know what the reason is, I like to think that perhaps there was some good that came out of this rather than that, quite simply, my car got crunched and I missed my appointments.

She could not have been more sorry, breaking down in tears several times. I gave her a hug and told her that I was glad she was okay, that I was okay, and that stuff can be replaced. I just may have been her angel on that “Karl Day.” It is likely a day that neither of us will forget, anytime soon.

No matter what happens in life, it is how we deal with what happens that determines our destiny. When something awful happens, there may just be a silver lining. We may have to look hard to find it, but I believe there is one, nonetheless. How cool is that?

Love and Blessing to you all. I appreciate your loving comments (FB, texts, etc.).

Karl
<3