As most of you know, I am a positive person, always looking for the good in others, and seeing the silver lining when others do not. It is with a humble heart that I write this, because I am having to look deep inside and answer, “Why react from fear when you know to respond from love?” I reacted to a series of misconceptions and misunderstandings from a place of fear, and the result is that someone I care deeply about was hurt. The most surprising thing about what happened is that it is so out of character for me to have reacted the way I did. Others with whom I have confided in about this have agreed how out of character this is for me. So what happened and why?
From a spiritual perspective, I believe that there are no accidents (see the previous post) and that everything happens for a reason that is for the good of all (for our soul growth). So I must believe that the outcome will be okay. But in the meanwhile, someone I care about is hurting. I am focused on answering the why, on helping us both understand this event so that we can move through it, getting to the other side of it, stronger. I am focused on the outcome rather than on the event, because staying focused on the event won’t help me grow, it will only hold me back. It will keep me “stuck in the muck” as I often say.
When we react to a situation, it is seldom the instant situation that we are really reacting to, it is what it reminds us of (an emotion, memory, belief) deeply rooted in our past. So I have been digging deep to find the answers in my childhood, where the scared child resides, the scared boy who felt abandoned and felt many emotions that created feelings and beliefs of “undeserving” and “unworthy.” It is there that I found the fear to which I reacted in such a hurtful way. And having faced it, having understood it, I have now healed it.
Now, there is another party to this event, the one I care for very deeply, the one who was hurt by my reaction. I am grateful for this dear friend who helped me access what needed to be cleared and to learn the lesson through this event. I am also very sorry for the pain. How do I make it right, and how do I help that person understand the lesson that was theirs to learn? Quite often (essentially always), when someone does something and we feel hurt by it, what is really going on is that there is a lesson for us to learn that is being brought to the surface. There is a saying that goes something like, “Anything that appears as other than love is there to be healed.” In other words, when something painful happens or when someone reacts in a hurtful way, it is happening so that it (the emotion, the belief, the triggering memory…) can be healed. I am not in a position to understand what needs to be healed in this dear friend, but I do believe that there is something. If there are no victims and there are no accidents, it seems to me that the only possibility is that there is a powerful lesson to be learned.
Neale Donald Walsch wrote a wonderful children’s book called “The Little Soul” in which two little souls who have been together many times are discussing their next lives on Earth. In talking about what lessons they want to learn, one little soul says she wants to learn Forgiveness, to which the other soul responds, “Really, that is such a painful lesson to learn, are you sure you want to learn Forgiveness?” “Yes,” the soul replies, “that is what I want to learn.” The other little soul reflects and very seriously says, “Well, if you really want to learn Forgiveness, I’ll tell you what I’ll do. I’ll do something really mean and hurtful to you, and that way you will be able to learn forgiveness.” The first little soul says, “Really, you would do that, you love me so much that you would do that?” The other little soul replies, “Yes, I love you that much. The only thing I ask is that when I do that awful thing, please remember who I am.”
I do hope that when everything is said and done, this lesson will be the blessing it can be. Everything happens for a reason, and we can choose to have it be a meaningful, positive outcome or not. I find no use in having it be anything but positive. I have come too far and have dreams to make come true. And I do believe in dreams coming true!