What Defines You?

I recently posted a comment on Twitter and Facebook about how your past need not define who you are. Quite clearly, things we experience in our past influence us and how we behave in the future, but if we allow our past to define us, then we are acting as “victim” rather than being in charge of and taking responsibility for our lives.I know someone who experienced many difficult things in his life (emotional and verbal abuse, dyslexia, traumatic physical experiences, and more) and yet he has overcome them in such a convincing way that people who know him now are shocked when they learn of his past experiences. Most of us have experienced difficulty in our lives, and those who are successful use those experiences as lessons, not as excuses.

No matter what has come your way, you can decide, in this instant, that you are going to live the life you want to live. You can decide that you can and will live a joyful life filled with love. You can decide that you deserve to have the perfect relationship and settle for nothing but that. You can decide that no matter what anyone has said or done to you in the past, that you are a good person and that you will only allow good and love and positive people in your life, now and always. As Helene Rothschild wrote, “The Truth Is, No matter what anyone says or does, You are Okay, Worthy, Loveable, Attractive, Important, Intelligent, and Good Enough. You are a good person, and You deserve to be Happy, Healthy, and Successful.”

Sean Stephenson talks about “getting of your but.” What he means is that rather than using past experiences or even your current situation as an excuse, decide to live the life you want to live. If you know his story, you realize that he made such a decision (with the help of his mother) at a time when it would have been much easier to have felt sorry for himself.  Because he made the decision that he did, he has empowered countless others to do the same. He is an inspiration like few in the world can be.

If you aren’t sure how to proceed, look up Sean’s story,  submit a comment, or write me. I’ll be happy to guide you and teach you so that you can carry on, empowered to live the life you deserve. How cool is that?

karl (at) talktokarl (dot) com

The Greatest Job in the World

If you are a parent, you have undertaken to do the most important, challenging, and rewarding job anyone can ever have.  It is likely that you have had days when you wondered what in the world you got yourself into.  Have you ever thought that you weren’t going to make it as a parent or that you weren’t doing a good job?  Did you ever wonder how your children would turn out considering the mistakes you thought you made?

If you are a typical parent, chances are there have been times when you wondered whether you were really cut out for that job and if your kids would be okay.    What I believe is that you have done a good job, and if your kids are still at home, you continue to do the best you can at all times.  Chances are that you have actually done a pretty darn good job.

Even though there isn’t an instruction manual for raising children, and even though we swore we wouldn’t make the same mistakes our parents made with us, we have instilled certain character in our children that, though they may not always exhibit it, will serve them well as they grow into adulthood.

A teacher of mine who practiced Family Counseling for decades shared with me that when parents came to her with a “problem child,” she would meet with them all, then the child, but she would spend more time with the parents in counseling sessions.  In business we know that culture is a top-down phenomenon.  The same holds true for families.  The most important part of our job as parents is to allow our children to be who they are (not to mold them into some facsimile of ourselves or to be their friends) and to teach them to be caring and responsible adults.

You have in you everything you need to make good decisions, and it is most likely that, especially related to your children, your decisions have been, overall, good ones.  In doing “the right thing” by your children, they will grow up to be good adults.  When your children accomplish something that brings them great joy and you beam with pride, remember that you really did do a great job.  How cool is that?

Above the Clouds

I am one of the most positive people I know, someone who has a reputation for being “Zen,” quite good at being in the “Now” and not worrying about what may or may not happen. I am a firm believer that it isn’t what happens to us but in how we deal with what happens to us that determines the life we live and our joy. The Serenity Prayer (see March 8, 2009 post) has been one of my guiding principles for many years, and I am proud of myself for all that I have accomplished, for the way I treat others, and for what I have endured.

With that said, I am also confused. I am in the midst of a struggle – a struggle to understand what it is I am meant to learn by going through this particular time of my life. Why would I create such pain in my life except to learn a lesson that will serve me, and perhaps others? My job is to help others, which I do every day. My clients have benefited greatly from working with me, and I positively affect many others, some of whom don’t even know that I have helped them. I love what I do, and I look forward to helping many more people in different ways, not only through my work as a hypnotist, but also as a speaker and writer. It seems that what I am going through, now, is a “Cobblers’ children have no shoes” kind of situation. “Healer, heal thyself.” Am I too close to see the answers, and might I even be too close to know what questions to ask? And then….

Helene Rothschild, a wonderful teacher and mentor, has taught me that when things seem really tough, when you don’t know what to do, go up! So I choose to go up, to rise above the clouds, where it is always clearer and brighter. Above the clouds, above the pain, above the despair, the answers to all of my questions (and yours) will be found. Above the clouds, where it is clearer and brighter, there is hope. Above the clouds, where all the forces of the Universe come to your aid, to guide you, to hold you, to remind you of how wonderful and beautiful you are. Above the clouds, where the songs in your heart are not distorted by outside influences or fear. Above the clouds, where unconditional love lives forever and always.

So I choose to go up, to rise above the clouds, to find the answers to all my questions. I choose to create the life that I deserve, knowing that I am good enough; I deserve to have the life of my dreams. Is “amazing” ever not good enough? Never! Amazing is always good enough. Is “amazing” too good to be true? Nope! We all deserve to be happy, and when you realize that you deserve to have exactly the life you dream of, that life will unfold before you. It is unfolding right now. If you don’t believe you deserve it, you may push it away, and you may not even realize what you are losing. What a tragedy if you push away the life you have dreamt of because you don’t believe you deserve it.

Join me above the clouds. Join me in knowing that you are good enough no matter what. Join me in knowing that you deserve to have the life you may have only dared to dream about. Helene Rothschild says, “Close your eyes and see clearly.” Go ahead and close your eyes, and see clearly the life you would love to have. It is waiting for you, right here, right now.

All the best, always,